Constitution of Oasis
1. The government of Oasis recognizes the right of free speech, and free opinion. And will make no law prohibiting or inhibiting this freedom. > FOUNDING MOTHER'S NOTE: You know that asshole down the street who's a bloodist and always rants about the superiority of one blood color over the other? Yeah, sorry. You have to put up with him. Don't worry though, I just gave you to free speech to bark back at him as much as you want. If he actually hurts anyone, his ass is the law's. And you KNOW what I mean by hurting them. You know that moron across the lane that thinks traffic cones are a sacred object delivered by the lord? Yeah, you have to put up with her too. But the minute she steals those cones to build a shrine? That's called theft, people. You know what to do. Just play nice, okay? ---- 2. The government of Oasis recognizes the right of the people to defend themselves, and their right to bear arms. > FOUNDING MOTHER'S NOTE: Okay I see there are so many ways you can misinterpret this so let's start by explaining our situation as I write this. There is no functioning central government anywhere on the planet, as far as we know. The planet is an inhospitable wasteland and there's half a dozen raider camps dotting the landscape around us. We need weapons to protect us. If you have a dedicated military and police system, you probably don't. So that retard who insists on carrying around a million guns on her at all times? Tell me if you think she's sane or intelligent enough to hold a gun. Just think about it. In fact, BEFORE you hand out guns to people? Make sure they're smart enough to use one. I know you might be hoping they shoot themselves in the face, and I understand that. But what if they miss and accidentally shoot someone else? Think of the children, please. Also, a rocket launcher isn't covered under this. A minigun isn't covered under this. And for the love of god, neither are poison, gas, or chemicals. If you come up with new weapons that are even worse? THEY'RE NOT COVERED! If you think another weapon might be too dangerous? Talk it over, hold some public opinion polls, talk to some experts, figure it out. You have thinkpans, use them. ----- 3. The government of Oasis recognizes that all individuals are equal. And all individuals are to be granted equal rights. Equality under the law will not be denied. > FOUNDING MOTHER'S NOTE: Okay seriously. Everyone is equal, damn it. You got that? GOOD. ----- 4. The government of Oasis recognizes the inherent cruelty of slavery and involuntary servitude. They will never exist within Oasis borders, except in cases of involuntary servitude as punishment for crime. > FOUNDING MOTHER'S NOTE: SLAVERY IS BAD, BITCHES ----- 5. The expenditures made by the government of Oasis will not exceed the amount of revenue received in a fiscal sweep. > FOUNDING MOTHER'S NOTE: We're a nation. We're not some kid in an orphanage sticking a bowl out in front of lenders saying "Please sir, can I have some more?" You got that? Good, moving on. ----- 6. The government of Oasis recognizes the right to a good education and will provide one to it's citizens and residents. > FOUNDING MOTHER'S NOTE: ...Actually yeah, I can't see how you could possibly fuck that one up. That was pretty straightforward. You know what citizens are and what residents are. And you know what an education is. Seriously, if you manage to screw up this one, I'm coming for you. Doesn't matter if I'm dead, I'm coming for you. ----- 7. The government of Oasis recognizes the right to health and secure shelter. And will provide every citizen in need of food a daily ration devised by the chief agricultural and medical experts in the land. It will also provide universal healthcare, paid for through a single insurance pool run by the state. And decent housing for every citizen. > FOUNDING MOTHER'S NOTE: Healthy citizens are happy citizens and productive citizens. Keep yours well groomed and well fed. Don't forget to brush their coat for a clean and healthy sheen that'll blow the vet away. ----- 8. Lying, distortion of truth, bearing false witness, stating opinion as established fact, and falsehood, are not protected under the first amendment. > FOUNDING MOTHER'S NOTE: I just saved you from having to deal with so much bullshit. You're WELCOME. Also you know damn well the difference between expressing opinions and outright lying. Don't pull any shit with this, or else.